Reminiscence..

Merry Christmas!

It's supposed to be a joyful time of the year, hope you guys managed to keep it up! I'm really glad I got to spend it with really awesome friends and got great gifts.

However, every christmas, without fail, I'll be reminded of certain people in my life who changed it, in one way or the other. Don't get me wrong, I'm not emo, just reminded! Like how stockings remind you to get presents before its too late :X

Since its a joyous occasion, this post will be a happy one I promise (:

Angel:

I remember when I walked out of my house, my heart would start beating heavily when I see you across the road. It was a real surprise that you managed to get my email and we started chatting a lot. I missed those times. I remembered having a huge crush on you, that lasted the whole year till Christmas 4 or 5 years ago. I wanted badly to give you your Christmas gift but nope the letterbox was too small. And that you wanted me to throw it across your gate, but I didn't want to spoil it. Wow, I'm actually surprised I remembered stuff like this. Simple things like late night chats and post morning conversations are really things that I treasured. You were a pleasure to talk to, and I don't know how did everything just stopped, however heartbroken I was, I got over it. And all those contributes to my happy memories. And they always give me such a great and happy feeling, which nothing else can.

Jing Yi:

You were the reason why I spoke English so much, and got pretty good at it. That I have you to thank. You showed me how every simple thing can be meaningful. Those stories that you wrote for me. I still kept them, but I forgot where I left it ): I'd love to read them again. You were really pretty and smart, and though during the time I didn't really have feelings for you, I teared during christmas night when I realized school would be starting soon, and I wouldn't be able to talk to you as much. And soon after that, I started missing you a lot, but I don't know why everything just stopped. You then soon became the example of someone I'd look out for to be in a relationship. But I found out there is no one else like you. Your unique personality really strikes out, and I long to talk to you again, just to see how much you've changed.

Wow, can't believe it actually turned out pretty sad. Oh well, I'm feeling optimistic about the new year, so Merry X'Mas and Happy New Year! I shall go back to writing my Christmas Cards (Wth right.)

Waiting for a Girl Like You - Foreigner.

The more I try to run away, the more it hurts my emotions and my behavior. Towards people.

It's a bad disease, but I have to get rid of that feeling somehow.

I guess it just became worse when I feel that you aren't giving me as much attention.

But its alright, at this rate, the feelings will just all go away.

I hope.

On a lighter note, I'll be performing with a jazz band on New Year! My freaking dream come true. At a hotel in Sentosa I guess. Can't wait, but yea gotta practice hard, I'll continue psycho-ing myself to do so!

Can't Fight The Feeling Anymore - REO Speedwagon

meant We're not be. to

meant We're not be. to

meant We're not be. to

meant We're not be. to

meant We're not be. to

meant We're not be. to

meant We're not be. to

meant We're not be. to

Sorry, I have to drill it in my head so I can feel normal around you again.

Right now I feel like shit. I don't feel like I'm myself around them.

Had this exact same emotional rush like what, 3 years ago. I thought I had fought it off, but no. I'm still the same less confidence of a man to tell the other how I felt. Never knew I would find myself into this kind of situation again. AGAIN.

Isn't there a freakin' remedy for it?

Last night, I had a dream, a good but weird one. But almost 100% of my dreams don't come true, so oh well. I can just bloody stop dreaming and get back into reality where things actually matter.

All's Hell

I don't need to have these kind of feelings anymore,

However badly I want it, it's never gonna happen.

Suppressing it doesn't help, they will all just come back again.

All is just a figment of an imagination. So please poof away.

Love Will Keep Us Alive - The Eagles

All of a sudden, I started missing you again.

All memories, good or bad remains. Though it was only for a couple of months, I really missed the night rides, ventures, crazy things we've done and well everything.

Wished everything could have been different, but it wouldn't happen.

It's all my fault really, so I'm really sorry.

Hope you're doing fine, you're a strong girl.

Too Much Work.

For some of us, we spend our whole life figuring out who we are.

But could it be just right in front of you, yet you're unwilling to accept?

Please,

be strong my dear. I will be there for you whenever you need next time. But for now, I am as helpless as you are. Thing will be different; they are.

For times when you feel small...

...shy,

Unappreciated,

Stepped on,

Left out,

Belittled,

Outcasted,

Crawled all over,

Meaningless.

Why not be

Cool,

Useful,

Engaging,

Helpful,

Unique,

Beautiful,

Loud,

Fluffy,

Instead?

Don't be a small different plant in an orchid garden,

Be that scarecrow - a scared for, but appreciated for what it is.

I'm such a fool in love.

This song brings back soooo much memories!

Of jams, the gig, and meet ups that I miss so much. And well, other things that revolved around that time.

I miss Halimah too! But she's coming back soon, so I'm very much looking forward to it. We shall be revisiting the old times!

Mahesh too! He's coming back soon I think. Can't wait.

Things aren't really going well for me, and well, revisiting the old memories do help.

(Crosses fingers) Hope they'd get better!

And well, some other memories are just like a can of cola. Enjoy it while it's cold, and when the time is up, crush it and throw it in a pile of garbage.

Don't mean to end it on a solemn note, but what the heck.

I should enjoy life as it is! It's the pain which have us treasure the good times. People that we have now. The situation we are in. So, be glad with what you have now, and seek of ways to make it even better. And well, goodbye!

That's me.

Oh but wait, I'm not Norman.

Silence is pure. Silence is holy.

"Silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking"

-The Notebook

This is by far my favourite quote from the book. I just felt so much when I read it. It makes me think, not only about love, but what we see the world as. How paintings can be depicted in such a way that you can paint your own story out from it. How music can be so beautiful that you sometimes wonder what is going through the artist's mind when he plays it. How beautiful a girl can look, and yet no one else but you truly appreciates what's underneath her beauty. That's what you'd call inspirations.

But right now, I'm afraid. Afraid of not finding that someone. Will that person make that quote come into my life? Will I be able to find that someone whom naturally, we know when to let the crickets do the talking as we take long walks in the evening, then rest by the bench in my favourite reservoir enjoying the moonlight. Will she know when I'm actually thinking about something, and we'll each just enjoy the moment, with that rest note in between that would mean so much, without any need to put in the ghost notes?

It's just so hard to tell. I constantly find me reassuring myself that the night is still young. I hope I'm right.

......................................................................................................................................

Right now I'm indulging into books, music and art. Because they bring me to think. Think unlike the way I would be used to. We only see the things we want to, but our thoughts can be organized in such a way to see things out of what we thought we would want. I think I'm not making sense but that's what I feel.

......................................................................................................................................

Singapore really causes us to miss certain small details which we think aren't important. Would you consider a mosquito bite important? Even those small things like our roots. What our forefathers went through to come over here to Singapore. We are thinking way upfront to see what is important about our past. No doubt there's social studies and all, but the whole thing about what we - our parents, our teachers see in the society just makes us seem like we are so far ahead. I foresee lots of critics for this statement, but you know, I welcome that. Because I admit I am not experienced enough in the world to understand what exactly is right. Maybe somethings just don't have a solid truth. So god bless the critics, they let artists see deeper and more technically - diversified meaning in their works. Provided they are constructive comments. Negativity is just plain stupidity, jealousy and childishness. Afterall an artwork is what the artists sees. If you can't see it, then you don't deserve to own it. Unless the artist is really just producing an masterpiece just for the sake of doing an artwork. These are the posers, or people who think they can earn money by doing what they think the artists are doing. I know I'm going around in circles. That's just to emphasize my opinion of nothing is really "right".

Another simple thing - love. It can be complex or simple. I chose to see it as simple, or rather want it so. We are wreaking our heads day and night to keep up in society, be it in studying or when we work. Complexity is the last thing I want when it comes to my personal life.

However, people are looking forward to complexity. They keep changing partners, cheat on their girl or boyfriends, have a relationship against their parents or friends and such. Its a good thing when you're young in my opinion, because it gets us used to the complex world. Although not related, but the concept is there, multi-tasking. Def. to handle many tasks at once, which forgoes the ability to focus exactly on one task at hand. We are not computers or robots. We have emotions. We can't love one person and have ideas for another without calling it a meaningful relationship. When will people see that loving just one person with all your life will mean much more then having lots of night stands, keep changing partners etc.

I can't admit that I have once these thoughts. Media's fault. They make the person who's like so freakin' awesome and he goes around flirting everyday, have meaningless sex. They are who they are, but just so happens someone decided to have him made an 'idol'. Not intentional though.

So to conclude, I think I'm really not supposed to be born in this era. Where life is so fast-paced and complex. I often picture myself living in the countryside, and imagine, would my life be more meaningful then having the 'ideal' life of earning lots of money. Money is just paper. But they have their meanings too, just in different ways. Less deep perhaps.

A New Phase.

Wow, is it just me or is the new blog template thing kinda cool.

But this is exactly the kind of things which limits our creativity right? Everything is there for you, just click, see the one you like and you have your 'personalized' blog skin. Same thing goes for Apple softwares too. Everything is template template! Soon our brains are gonna rot of creative ideas.

Heh, haven't had a decent post in a while eh. Life goes on and it shall be better! Being away for the weekend really took my mind of things, but they just all came back when I get home at night. I'm glad to have awesome friends who were there for me through lonely nights through heart to heart talks, dinners, Skype and midnight movies and night drives. Gonna catch another movie with Kerin tonight, would be fun!

Btw, favourite movie now: Forest Gump

favourite band now: Bee Gees with Too Much Heaven. Bloody on repeat. I think I'm really hooked on to Oldies and Bossa now, thanks to Halimah, Lol.

Goodbye - Air Supply

Really really regret what I did. How I've treated people, how I did things.

It's all in the past. People tell me humans don't change. I think it's bull.

If you never trust a person enough to do so, it will never happen.

Now I've come to know myself. I can feel it changing, but I don't know if it's temporary.

I really keep opinions to myself. A no go. So help me god, I need to express my thoughts freely.

I used to think you could help me do that. Now its just a burnt memory.

I want it to stay that way, I want it to continue improving.

It's really too late to say all these crap. But I really have to blast it all out, I'll never be able to sleep well tonight. But it'll do good for my thinking, and hate the feeling of waking up to a really good dream with you in it, and its just a pile of shattered hopes.

How Do I Live

How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be
Oh and I, I need you in my arms
Need you to hold
You're my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything good in my life

Without you there'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I, baby I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything real in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live

If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby, 'cause you know that you're everything good in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live
How do I live
Without you baby
-Trisha Yearwood

Love of a Lifetime.

I guess the time was right for us to say
We'd take our time and live our lives together day by day
We'll make a wish and send it on a prayer
We know our dreams can all come true with love that we can share

With you I never wonder - will you be there for me
With you I never wonder - you're the right one for me
I finally found the love of a lifetime
A love to last my whole life through
I finally found the love of a lifetime
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime

With every kiss our love is like brand-new
And every star up in the sky was made for me and you
Still we both know that the road is long
(But) we know that we will be together because our love is strong
I finally found the love of a lifetime
A love to last my whole life through
I finally found the love of a lifetime
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime
-Firehouse
This song just has so much to relate to.

There's so much to loathe and love about you.

But I chose to believe in the latter.

It begins to seem to me like

You just need those things and I'm here to just fill a small gap in your life.

What became of the loved people?

What does it feel like, to chase after something unreal and superficial?

Then again, maturity and levels of thinking puts itself into place.

I know its just a phase, its gonna go away. But... to where?

To something surreal, or back to reality?

I need answers, but I don't need them now.

For they mean so much, I don't want to break hearts.

I just want to know, what means more to that lost poor little child.

Is this what I really want? I tried for a long time. Nothing is feeling right for me.

Everything is just theory, it seems like everything I want doesn't matter anymore.